- Although I said a million times I would not get this way, I have really experienced the whole "pregnancy brain" phenomenon and feel creativity and deep thought being sucked away, along with my short term memory. it stinks!
- Any and all free time has been dedicated to learning about having a baby. Seriously, this is a part time job...how do people do this?! There are a million stroller choices, new baby methods, research that needs to be done on car seats, and a nursery that needs decorated. I am indecisive normally, like on a good day, so all this is really throwing me for a loop.
- I've been deliriously happy ever since we found out that we are having a BOY. I didn't care one bit whether this baby would be a boy or girl, but it is so fun to know and get to picture him. He is also kicking up a storm...which is the coolest thing ever. Seriously, this kid already owns me and I haven't even seen him yet.
- I've been an emotional train wreck because we found out Taylor (our amazing, fantastic, 5-year old golden retriever)'s cancer has metastasized. Taylor was diagnosed last March with cancer - a really horrible kind that that gave us really poor odds on. But we knew our Taylor...and that if any dog could kick cancer's ass, it would be him. So we did surgery and have been taking our sweet dog to chemo every 4 weeks. He has been amazing - this whole year, his tail never stopped wagging and he was his usual self. We had hit the year mark - considered a "medical miracle" by the doctors, when we felt a lump in his left lymph node...confirming the worst (again). I'll spare you all the details, but basically they are giving my darling dog a month or two to live. I really can't put into words the heartbreak I feel. It is a physical pain. I'll try to do a proper tribute to Taylor at some point, when I can handle it, but I'm just not there right now.
So....that's what the last 4 months have been like....it's been life. Joy and excitement mixed with disappointment and heartbreak. New life and death.
I keep playing a song that I heard at church the other day that is speaking to me about both situations. Here is the chorus and my prayer to God right now:
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
I can feel Him making this beautiful baby in me. I trust He will bring beauty out of my heartbreak over Taylor. Because that's what God does. Through both of these things, He is making me new.