So, my favorite subject these days is my sweet giggling 8-month old baby boy - William Bennett Mitcham. I could go on for hours and days and months about how amazing Will is....you can ask my husband as he has been subject to my thoughts on the subject for the past 3/4 of the year. I literally cannot say enough about this child. I am crazy about him!
So I won't bore you with listing all of Will's attributes (don't worry, I'm sure I'll do it another time) but instead want to tell you what Will's presence in my life has sparked in me. And if you don't have kiddos, please don't turn out...this isn't so much a post about being a mom as it is about being a daughter.
Here's the deal...although I was so, so, so, so amazingly excited about having a baby, I was expecting the first few months to be really tough. I work with women - lots of women - so I have heard many stories of post-pardom difficult adjustments and since I'm not huge on change, I was expecting to have a really rough few weeks. That was what I had braced myself for...so, that's where I was in June. (And huge and hormonal...but that's another story.)
And then, on June 20 at 2:15pm, Will arrived. And at 2:15pm and 1 second, I fell madly, deeply in love with him. I was (and still am) overwhelmed with how I feel about this child. The second he emerged into this world, I just knew, if given the opportunity, I'd give my life for him in a second...without a thought. Without a doubt.
It felt like my heart was now no longer inside of me but outside of my body in this tiny, 7 lb, 1 oz, crying baby boy.
The unconditional, automatic love completely overwhelmed me. I wasn't prepared for it. It basically felt like a tsumani of emotion. And not just fleeting, feel, good emotion; but deep, life-changing, REAL life-will-never-be-the-same emotion.
When we finally got home (after a second hospital stay and an emergency 2nd surgery for me...yep, labor and delivery was NOT fun or easy...), I was rocking Will and telling God how much I loved this child and how perfect and amazing and wonderful He made Will. And I was praying my heart out all blessings I could think of praying over this kiddo. It seemed like I couldn't get enough words out.
In the silence, the whisper I heard back was "Kate, that's how I feel about you. You're my daughter."
It nearly un-did me. Honestly. I've been pretty candid on here about my performance issues. It is really hard for me to wrap my head around the concept that I am loved for FREE. I can't seem to get it; probably because human relationships don't model this. And God is constantly wooing me back after I go on a performance-binge and reminding me of His grace.
And on that afternoon holding a week and half old baby I finally got it a little more. Because I don't love Will because of how he loves me, or what he does for me...I love him because he is mine. And if I can love an earthly child with this intensity, then how much more lavish and abundant and strong can God's heart be...towards me? Because He is GOD....and I am his daughter.
So that's where I am trying to dwell these days -seeing God in a new light as Father and opening up my heart to the truth of his unconditional, lavish love.